Jealousy is the chief devil of relationships these days: especially with the prevalence of social networks which makes communication, online hooking up and uncensored private conversations very easy.

This article is geared towards analysing the emotional and psychological chemistry involved in the art of jealousy.
This article will address such questions as:
What triggers the feeling of jealousy?
What makes them act the way they do when they are jealous?
What is the possible antidote of jealousy?

INTRO:
Jealousy is the emotional state in which a spouse or partner finds him/herself embittered at the thought that the partner is cheating on him/her. Note that at this stage there is no prove to this effect. The feeling might come from seeing the partner interact freely with someone else of the opposite sex. It might come from the partner exhibiting a suspicious behavior, etc or it might just be a wild speculation.

In the previous article it was articulated that conjugal love is an extremely selfish bond and third parties are not welcome to admire, be involved with or flirt with the ones we love. This is true,  but it doesn't mean that the ones we love are imprisoned to us so that they are not free to have social lives and mingle.
The process of trying to imprison them to ourselves triggers a desire for freedom in them: the chain reaction of this is that the relationship gradually becomes banal, advertureless, and bland. And who wants to be in such a relationship?

BASIC TRIGGERS OF JEALOUSY.
low self esteem and inferiority complex: Jealousy starts with a  partner feeling insecure about his/herself.
Insecurity comes from a false hidden image of "not being good enough" .
With this false image the partner creates a self rejection syndrome in his/her mind. The emotional result of which is a feeling of unworthiness, fear of losing the spouse and unhappiness.

Controlling behaviour: The chain reaction of insecurity, and "not good enough syndrome" leads to the pseudo conviction that he/she is lucky to wield the partner's affection. That he/she is happy because of the partner's love. That he/she needs the love of the partner to validate their self-worth.

And when he/she imagines that the partner's love is on something or someone else other than themselves, they react with fear.

Majority of the fear is not about losing the partner. It doesn't mean they love the partner to the point of not wanting to lose them... Its about the pain and loneliness they will feel if they are rejected and dumped for someone else. Its the fear of being hurt, of being ridiculed, of being made "not good enough" that triggers the jealousy emotion.

REACTION.
From early on in life,  we learnt to control other people's attention/behaviour through the emotion of anger.
When we were kids,  anger often accompanied any corrective measures; be it scolding, flogging or any other form of disapproval of an unwanted behavior.
In this way we unconsciously learnt to project anger/scolding to control other people's emotions and behaviors.

So the jealous partner uses anger on the spouse to control their attention and as an indirect punishment for not giving him/her much needed attention, care and love.
This anger is projected in so many ways:
1. An overreaction to a very insignificant issue,
2. A scolding and "FBIng" over the phone about the partner's whereabouts.
3. A sulking and exhibition of unpleasant attitude.
4. Sometimes it even extends to a denial of sex and other intimate benefits.

EFFECTS.
But this projected anger/attitudes often achieve the opposite result: because an adult is has a higher tendency to rebel the emotion of anger rather than be controlled by it.
When a partner is chronically exhibiting vibes of jealousy, it repels the partner. The partner withdraws or pulls away because of their unpleasant character.
The partner's withdrawal will then activate the insecurities and lack of self esteem they were trying to avoid in the first place.

COUNSEL
When we look at anger, nagging and bad attitude as a tool to control and keep someone in love with us,  it doesn't make sense.
Anger,  attitude and the emotional constituents of jealousy will not endear someone to us,  it rather will push them away.

It doesn't mean that the jealous partner rationally does not realize that attitude, anger and nagging pushes their partner away,  they do.
But it is hard to change the dynamics because jealousy is not driven by rationality, logic or intellectual knowing. It is driven by believe, point of view and clouded by emotions.

If we are to control jealousy,  we have to sensor our believe system, our thought pattern and emotional conduit. It starts from eliminating the feeling of insecurity and "not good enough" status quo.

We have also to avoid exhibiting jealousy with negative emotions. If you're jealous of someone your spouse/partner got uncomfortably close to,  you simply let him/her know you weren't so comfortable with it.
If you are suspicious of your partner's whereabouts,  you simply call and tell them you're worried about them, demanding to know where they are.

If your suspicions are right,  there are various ways of finding out for sure(this will be discussed in a separate article) but if they are mere speculations in your mind,  do not let it ruin your relationship.

Trying to change jealousy once you are enmeshed in the emotion is like trying to control an enraged mad cow. Your chances of success are greatly determined by your gentle approach or your total avoidance of the situation.

ADDENDUM
It is the same chain reaction of insecurity and fear that often leads to the "promise you will never leave me" scenario and blood covenant enactment.

Moreso,  It is the same feelings of "not being good enough" syndrome that leads to a partner committing suicide if his/her spouse leaves... And if you check,  they did push the partner away by clingy,  suffocating and jealous attitude resulting from a strong desire to totally possess their partner. This often sparks a desire for freedom in the partner, and when they leave... The feelings of insecurity, inferiority complex and unhappiness triples, leading to depression and suicide.
Rationally they know that its a very foolish thing to commit suicide just because someone left you, but these emotional dynamics clouds every rationality, every right judgement and intellect.

NEVER GIVE IN TO THE DEVIL OF JEALOUSY. LEFT UNCONTROLLED, IT CAN WRECK TREMENDOUS HAVOC IN RELATIONSHIPS AND LIVES.